My husband and I watched one of the X-Men movies on TV last week. I hadn't seen any of them before and I sort of watched this one while doing odds and ends around the house. My husband is a fan of the Catholic mutant...the one who prays the rosary throughout the film; it was an interesting take and a pretty positive portrayal of religion, so that was good. I had trouble getting over the fact that it was "Bloody Sean Walsh" from Circle of Friends. But I like Colin Firth now (for those of you who haven't seen Circle of Friends he was a JERK in that film), so I suppose I can get past seeing Alan Cumming as a creep and find the Nightcrawler endearing...though the name gives me pause.
I contemplated the movie after it was over and realized that I feel like a mutant. My body doesn't work the way it is supposed to. I think of all of the people who can say that and know that I'm lucky. For the most part my body is fine. I'm fairly healthy etc. etc. But I still feel like a mutant. Women are supposed to bear children; that's one of the main points of most of the stuff we've been given, at least all the things that make us women. So it's frustrating. I wallowed in that self-pitying mutant image for a bit. It feels so dramatic to consider myself a mutant. Ridiculous, I know. There's no accounting for feelings. Or rationality.
Speaking of rational...I started my hormone injections on Saturday. I have to admit, I feel a bit calmer, and more rational. That feels nice. More and more, though, I am coming to believe that stress is my biggest problem. I think that if I wasn't so stressed, if certain specific factors in my life were altered (i.e. quitting my job) then my hormones would fall back into line and do what they're supposed to do. But I'm scared to up and quit...even though I imagine walking out every day. Change is due, and soon. Somethings gotta give.
2 comments:
Hey meant to comment the other day but work got in the way. I like your analogy. Not that I think you are mutant in the traditional connotation of the word, but I think it works. Keep writing.
re: your hormone shots--it might actually help your moods. You know me, I'm a hot-tempered mess most of the time, but when I was pregnant, John told me I was a lot nicer. :) So maybe those hormones evened me out and they're evening you out some, too?? Just a thought that might give you a positive spin on taking them.
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