I am so NOT a shopper. My son very uncharacteristically fell asleep in his stroller (read: for the first time ever) while we were at the mall. At first I was panicked. I had a proofreading gig I had planned to work on while he napped. This wasn't in the plan at all! Finally it dawned on me that his was not a problem, but rather an opportunity...to shop in peace for the first time in over a year. And I even had gift cards to spend! So, I finished up my business at Target and headed over to Macy's, where I had $75 free money to spend (well, free to me). I had already decided, though that I'm a terrible shopper; not to be trusted in picking out things I'd like once I got them home. I've been pondering asking a friend or friends for help, but I hate to drag someone else shopping with me, to buy stuff for myself. Maybe it is my indecisiveness that gives me pause; I'd hate to waste their time and come away with nothing. (Wow, that sentence alone was so indecisive!) So, I really had no intention of actually spending my gift cards (which, by the way, I've had for four months). This was an intelligence gathering mission (we've been watching Alias on DVD, can you tell?). I expected to get some clue of what I might like to buy, or what I might be looking for, but I came away absolutely convinced that I need help! Oooh, maybe a trip to a show like "What Not to Wear" wouldn't be so bad after all....although I absolutely cringe at being the center of that sort of attention. Anyway, the point is, my fashion sense is not to be trusted and I really need someone to walk me through what would even look halfway decent on me. I resisted the urge to just give up the whole thing and buy earrings...which was helped by the fact that even the earrings were way more than I would normally spend on even the most vital necessity.
I had finally decided I'd had enough browsing and was headed for the door when I decided I'd better use the ladies lounge, since my new, and more comfortable destination was by the fountains outside to write down everything about the experience that I then wanted to share here. Alas, it took me 20 minutes just to reach the bathroom and return to the exit (Macy's really is the world's largest department store), and by then my boy was up. No reflecting by the fountains while I sipped an overpriced mocha. Nope, off to the pet store to be entertained by wrestling kittens. As for Macy's, I feel a little like I did after my first day of Junior High..."you mean I have to go back?" Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for gift cards to spend. I just have no earthly idea how to do it!

Grandma's Memoirs

Could it be? Two posts in a week's time? Yes it could...as long as Luke doesn't get up before I hit "publish." It's been one of those days. I think I just got up on the wrong side of the bed and it's kind of gone that way ever since. Actually, even before that. Luke had been sleeping better, but now it feels like he's regressing. Argh! Who knew sleep could be such a problem?! Most parents, I'm guessing. And God bless people who have insomnia. Though it seems like there should be a co-op of people who can't sleep taking care of those who won't!

What I actually wanted to write about though was that I've been reading my Grandmother's memoirs. What a treasure. I have started them numerous times in the past, but for some reason I could never really get into them. That seems strange because I know all the "characters" and many of the places. It makes me think of trying to read Cannery Row while I worked on Cannery Row; I just couldn't do it. I think I needed to be a wife and mother before I could really appreciate Grandma's memoirs. Now I'm eating them up. It's so interesting, too, because not only are the places where I knew Grandma familiar, but I've now been to so many of the places she was before I knew her. She grew up here in San Diego, and had both of her children here. She lived in Brooklyn, and the D.C. area. So it's fun to hear her talk about places I know in a different capacity. I hope more of my family will write memoirs. Of course, I don't know if I'd ever sit down and do it in that way...though I might. But I have boxes of journals, and there's this.

There is nothing like reading someone else's life story to give you perspective on life itself, and how truly brief each of our lives are. Just a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of the world. That's sobering. Yesterday I read of the two month period in which my grandmother lost both of her parents. Heartbreaking. But it started me on this trajectory. They would have passed on before I was born no matter when they died. After all, they were in their 80's back then...in 1950...27 years before I was born. In some ways it helps to look at our lives with that perspective. Maybe we don't need to take some things so seriously, and maybe we need to take others more seriously. Maybe Luke's sleep problems really aren't that big a deal when compared to the man he becomes and what I do to guide him. (Of course that's an easier task when we're all well-rested). Anyhow, it gave me pause and I've shared it here...hopefully not depressing everyone along the way.

I was just telling my best friend, when she mentioned that I never post (you mean someone actually checks this?) that my blog is quarterly. That made me think I better look and see when exactly it was that I last posted. NOVEMBER! Eeek. I guess the downsized economy of time to myself has meant that we are now combining issues. However, I still deeply desire to be a better, more committed, and consistent blogger! In our work with engaged couples we talk about the difference between ideals and values. We have a lot of ideals, but unless we are willing to make sacrifices in order that those ideals can be lived values, then they are merely ideals, not values. So far, my life as a blogger has been an ideal, but certainly not a lived value. I'm still trying to strike the balance between mommy and homemaking tasks so I feel guilty spending time writing. I'm thinking, though, that since our social activities are so often postponed because of someone's illness (our son's, other people's kids, etc.) then maybe that is how I'll develop my blogging...it'll be a necessary outlet! We have made some sleep improvements that have freed me up, too. Of course, right now I am sacrificing time with my husband. That can't be good. But I do love to write, and it's helpful to me on so many levels. I wrote in my journal last night, which I previously did daily, or at least five days a week. I think my life is missing something when I don't have that outlet for introspection. I can't just sit around and process my thoughts; I do best when I'm able to write them. Honestly, the other place I process best is while washing dishes...but don't tell my husband that! :-) Maybe I need to put myself on a schedule...alott a certain amount of time to writing, either here or in my journal. I like that idea. Hope to see you again, sooner rather than later!